The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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