So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never underestimate the power of titties
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
