On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
