I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
