ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
