Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
