I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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