Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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