"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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