just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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