I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize