just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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