It's Friday. Sex?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
