bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
