I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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