Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this beer tastes like vomit already
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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