woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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