I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
