I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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