I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
