that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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