And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
