Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
