She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
