I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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