Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
