Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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