You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
