so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
