We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
