Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
