Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
