you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
