she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
