Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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