Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
