I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
