For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
