so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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