I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
