my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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