I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is classic penis vs brain.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
