D3 body, D1 cock
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
