why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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