3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize