I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
