I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
