I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
