Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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