If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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