I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dick very happy bro
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
