Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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