Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
