We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
