you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
