His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
