In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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