A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
