is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
