Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
