too bad you live with your parents still
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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