why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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