There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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