God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
