got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
