I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
