You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
