he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
