his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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