I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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