my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
